I went to the free "know your numbers" health screening today at work - blood pressure, blood sugar, body mass index, and cholesterol. I sat patiently waiting my turn, thinking smugly of 6 hour bike rides, body blast classes, berries and soy every day, and barely a drink since January. The pinprick blood test would reveal lipids and glucose levels so stunningly low that that the nurses would gush in amazement and declare me a paragon of health.
I read the handout about high blood pressure, stress, and heart disease with bemused detachment, and chirped smugly to the nurse about commuting to work by bike. She went through my lifestyle habits (nope, never ever smoked!), weighed me, measured my height, squeezed blood from my finger, put it all in a little machine, and started writing down numbers.
age - 38 (when she said "you look so much younger!" I decided she was the loveliest woman I'd ever met)
height - 161 cm
weight - 54 kilos
BMI - 21 (good)
blood pressure - 110/80 (low)
glucose - 4.86 (good)
cholesterol - 6.05 (high)
WHAT?!
I suddenly remembered the savoury thin-crust pizzas, 3 egg omelettes, and caramilk McFlurries that had recently become staples in my diet. The 2 barbecued hamburgers at the beach on Sunday. The box of trans-fat-laden cookies last week.
Well, she said, your cholesterol is high. Ideal is 5.2 or lower; up to 6.2 is borderline but getting up there. I'm referring you to a doctor for followup.
I ask her, could it be the eggs? I love eggs.
Well, she asks, how many eggs do you eat exactly?
I feel silly explaining that there's a woman at work whose daughter has a farm, with chickens she's raised them by hand since they were chicks, knows them all by name, and feeds them the very best of whatever it is that chickens eat. That the mom sells the eggs to people at work; brings them in fresh from the farm every week. That these are the biggest eggs with the brightest yolks (which are, of course, the very best part), and only $2.50 a dozen. That most days I have an egg sandwich for lunch, and an omelette for dinner - because they make the best omelettes, especially with a little sharp cheddar and some spinach and cherry tomatoes. I couldn't possibly tell her all that 'cause I'd just sound weird.
About two a day, I tell her. Sometimes only one. (I think for a minute). Well actually sometimes three.
Hmm, she says. That's a lot of eggs. Maybe you could cut back a little. Or just eat the whites.
I can't give up the yolks.
I tell her I'll cut back by a few eggs a week. I don't tell her I have 3 dozen eggs in the fridge. I do tell her they're the omega 3 eggs, which seems to make her happy. I wonder what I'm going to make for dinner instead of omelettes.
The nurse writes down another number, this one for HDL cholesterol. HDL is the good cholesterol; it flushes the bad LDL cholesterol away and keeps your arteries clear. For HDL levels, the higher the better.
HDL - 2.05
Wow, she says. Your HDL cholesterol is high.
A glimmer of hope. Really? I ask. Is that good?
Yes, she says, it's very good. Above 1 is good. Most people we've seen today are around 1. But 2.05 is great. You know, I don't think I've ever seen such a high HDL number.
I glow at this acknowledgement of my excellent health. Must be all those omega 3 eggs.